the green scare of 2017

the day my life temporarily became this vine (sidebar RIP in peace Vine always in our thoughts)



Yes hello friends it's that time again, for Shannon to tell a tale of woe, desperado and wild romance.

BUT FIRST! let me update in general on my life. Successfully did the Jerusalem thing which was great great great and now I'm back. Here are some Provo moods courtesy of Snapchat and starring ya girl and her friends

I just noticed the faded mickey mouse looking sassy on his shirt and now I'm picturing him saying the hat instead of Britney 

this was not in provo but it's still mood

all day every day in that lab straight grinding out that BFA diploma with the sculpted head of Kelly as moral support obvi

fun times with the Jeru pals

I bought the giant pack and immediately regretted it but now that it has proved its usefulness I feel that way no longer

also I forgot to even blog about the Lyme Scare of 2017 (there are a LOT of scares in the last three weeks, no wonder I'm so anxious and stressed all the time) but here's a pic from that:

I got a spider bite that faded to this bullseye thing and called my mom about it and she was like "ITS LYME DISEASE GO TO THE ER RIGHT!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and I went and they were like "it..'s not lyme disease" and the next day the bite was completely gone 🙃

Also Indy, Haley and I did the dirty dash and dressed up as the trams from snowbird!! Our team name was Dick Bass Powder Patrol and it was a blast but I also was so cold my body shivered so hard.

@thedirtydash was RAD today! We legitimately got trapped in the foam/mud pit for no less than a solid 20. Representing @snowbird the resort we love. Not pictured: our INCREDIBLE ski patroller Haley, who saved our lives on a number of mud pit occasions. #DickBassPowderPatrol #moremudlesstorture

A post shared by Britney Larsen (@fern_beard) on Sep 16, 2017 at 4:13pm PDT

OK NOW IT'S TIME FOR MY TALE

    It was just another normal day. Woke up depressed and terrified for my future, but cheered in the company of my wonderful peers and truly invigorated by a lunchtime discussion of what injuries and types of violence freak us out the most. ANYWAY around 4pm I get this SUPER CRYPTIC VOICEMAIL from my apartment complex that was like "heyyy we just need to talk to you down at the office.." and I was like wwhat. So I called them back and was like "yeah that's fine but is everything ok??" and they were like "oh yeah you'll be fine :) just come down to the office" and like did not explain at all. so I'm like trying to even think what it could be like I pay my rent on time and I've lived here two years like WHAT COULD IT BE!!!! So I vaguely stress about that the rest of the evening while I'm at school.

    I get home that night around 9 and tell a couple of my roommates about it and my room roommate is like "ohhh uhh you better sit down I'll tell you what happened" and I'm like WHAT COULD IT BE. ok first a little background, this roommate is the only one not among the cousins (I live with a bunch of cousins and this girl and me). she's also 18 and it's her first time living away from home. When I first learned this a few weeks ago this was my response:

    but later as I got to know her better she was actually not too bad and pretty mature despite the very large age difference between the two of us (once you leave the 18-24 age bracket suddenly there's an enormous gulf between you and them even if you were 24 but a few weeks ago) and tbh we aren't home at the same time very often which I'm always down for.

    Well, in this instance it proved my downfall. While I was at school I guess she was cleaning out our closet?? and look I don't want to jump to any conclusions (unlike some people) and I would like to give the benefit of the doubt (of which I was so viciously deprived) that she wasn't snooping in my stuff but instead, as she said, she found on the ground a little bag of green something something.

This is hyssop. In my travels throughout the holy land we went to a place called Neot Kedumim where we took some hyssop and ground it into what you see in that photo. Here's my blog post about it. Here's a picture of me GRINDING THAT EXACT HYSSOP:

little did I know

I want to be fairly plain here, the most I've ever done related to weed was the time my friends and I did a bunch of yardwork for my mom in honor of 4/20

here's the awkward family photo of us

    ok well anyway. She finds this hyssop and is like small green bag = MUST BE WEED. which like.......... kind of fair? except hyssop smells like oregano (AND NOT SKUNK) and weed ..doesn't really look like that? but I mean she's 18 and your life is hard when you are a brand new adult and don't know how to be yet.

    Here's where the problem is though. Instead of calling or texting me to ask what it is, she texts her parents who say "show it to your uncle who works for BYU police" so she does that (at this point in the story she reassures me that she did not file a report. good because...... there's nothing to report) and he's like "....this is not a weed." but he said it maybe was synthetic weed (which I did not know existed until this happened to me) so she takes it to  my apartment complex and they too are like "this is not weed but I guess we'll hang onto it for you" and thus the phone call.

    I guess all's well that ends well because I got my hyssop back, I'm not going to jail or byu jail for possession of suspicious looking spices from foreign countries. I was going to go to the temple this morning but instead I had to deal with this and tell this story so RIP my life. So just remember kids:

important PSA starring me, generally